The Speeding Ticket

[pats16v at columbus.rr.com (Erik)]

He may have taken pitty on you figuring that you need to build up a good run
to crest the hill... Just a thought.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Anson Clement" <ansonivan@yahoo.com>
To: <scirocco-l@scirocco.org>
Sent: Monday, March 22, 2004 5:52 PM
Subject: The Speeding Ticket


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> The Speeding Ticket
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> A Monday in mid March can be many things, in Ohio such a day is usually
rather shitty. The Monday I'm about to tell you about was balmy-ish,
uneventful, with just a hint of boring. I was tooling home from my last job
of the day, my 8V Scirocco was running well for a car that's been beaten
like a two dollar Mexican whore and I was feeling good.
>
> I-70 between Zanesville and Columbus is a lonely rolling stretch of
highway, sections of which dip through mile and a half long valleys. It was
at the lip of just such a hollow that the ever present urge to crush the
loud pedal snuck up on me, bludgeoned my better judgment, and had it's way.
>
> The 8V surged forward with all the power and grace of a dead ostrich, the
new engine eschewed a wonderful symphony of rattles and clanks as the tach
needle wavered past 5k. My brakes sent a wobbling complaint through the
pedal and into my suddenly heavy right foot, I saw him, but far too late.
The cruiser angled, door ajar, one boot on the ground, laser gun to eye. I
swept by him at a suddenly attained 65, the baleful glare told all I was
well and truly fucked.
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> As the beater struggled up the far side of the valley my eyes locked on
the rearview, mind scrabbling desperately for a plausible lie. My speedo
cable was in fact broken but the fact that I was passing other cars like a
supermodel in a buffet line might have cast doubt on the legitimacy of such
a claim. I could say something about a stuck throttle but my complete lack
of breasts might make the officer disinclined to let me off on such a tall
one. One twenty in a sixty five was certainly a mandatory court appearance,
no wait, this is Ohio, more like mandatory castration!
>
> I had now reached the other side of the valley of the shadow of death,
still no flashing lights, no speeding grey shape looming in my rearview.
Twenty minutes later and still no pork, the elation washed over me, the
smell of sweet reprieve almost covering the pungent odors emanating from my
now soggy crotch.
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> Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on time.
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