(OT) Tech Support - VERY!!! funny especially if yer married

[sirocco@telocity.com (Randy B)]

Sorry for the OT post, I usually don't post jokes to the scirocco list but 
this was just too damn funny not to share.
I figured some of you other computer nerds out there might get a real kick 
out of it.
Enjoy!!!

Randy
www.myscirocco.org

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Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, but soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the
product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all
other programs and now launches during system initialization where it
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Golf 3.0,
GameNight 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting/Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6 no
longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to
keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite
applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but the
uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 - please help! - A Troubled User.
Dear Troubled User:
Yours is a very common problem due to a primary misconception. Many
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a
utilities and entertainment program, but Wife 1.0 is an operating system
and is designed to run everything. It is also impossible to delete Wife
1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0: hidden operating systems files cause
Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible
to uninstall, delete or purge Wife 1.0 program files from the system once
installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to
allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than in the original configuration. Look in your Wife 1.0
manual under "Warnings: Alimony/Child Support". I recommend that you keep
Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation; try installing the
background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software conflicts.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest you read the entire
section regarding "General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume
joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur regardless of
their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course
of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of
C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the C:\APOLOGIZE
command before the system will return to normal anyway. Remember the
system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs such as Clean'NSweep 23.0,
CookIt 1.5 (which replaced BurnIt 1.0) and DoBills 4.2. You must,
however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag 9.5. Once this happens the
only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional
software.
I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen. WARNING!! DO
NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This
application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.
Best of luck! - Tech Support