Completely OT: For the pilots out there

[Larry" <rocco16v@netzero.com (Larry)]

>
> Sure you've seen this before... Enjoy;
>
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor.
> Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as
> "squawks" and submitted by QANTAS (Australia's National Airline) pilots
with
> solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, QANTAS is the
only
> major airline that has never had an accident.
> P=The problem submitted by pilots
> S=The solution recorded by maintenance engineers
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire
>
> P: Test flight OK except autoland very rough
> S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft
>
> P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid
> S: No 2 seepage normal. Nos. 1,3 & 4 propellers lack normal seepage
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield
> S: Live bugs on back order
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
> S: Evidence of leak removed
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud
> S: DME volume set to more believable level
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
> S: That's what they're there for
>
> P: IFF inoperative
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
>
> P: Suspected crack in windscreen
> S: Suspect you're right
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious
>
> P: Target radar hums
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with words
> H
> P: Mouse in cockpit
> S: Cat installed
>
>
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