Fw: The floggings will continue until the morale improves

[alexporter_14 at hotmail.com (alex porter)]

>From: "Kathy H Porter" <kporter@rochester.rr.com>
>To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:;>
>Subject: Fw: The floggings will continue until the morale improves
>Date: Sat, 16 Dec 2006 16:09:54 -0500
>
>
>Hi there - I've cleaned this up of forwarded email addresses that you don't 
>need, but had to keep some "stuff" in so you could get the fish and the 
>whole email which is hysterical!
>Enjoy!     Kathy
>
>
>
>       Subject: Fw: The floggings will continue until the morale improves
>
>
>       Out of Australia - and Merry Christmas to all...
>       I guess this is how they do things down under.
>
>
>
>
>
>       -------Original Message-------
>
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>
>       EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:
>       Company Policy:
>
>       Effective December 8 , 2006
>
>
>
>       Dress Code
>       It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your 
>salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we 
>assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If 
>you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that 
>you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you 
>dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do 
>not need a raise.
>
>       Sick Days
>       We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. 
>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>
>       Personal Days
>       Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called 
>Saturday & Sunday. Personal days are only available if your supervisor does 
>not need you to work on Saturday and/or Sunday. Therefore, personal days 
>may only be taken with the approval of your supervisor.
>
>       Bereavement Leave
>       This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for 
>dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have 
>non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee 
>involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late 
>afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and 
>subsequently leave one hour early.
>
>       Toilet Use
>       Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a 
>strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, 
>an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door 
>will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your 
>picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic 
>Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be 
>sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
>
>       Lunch Break!
>       Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so 
>that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to 
>get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 
>minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
>
>
>
>
>       Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a 
>positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, 
>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, 
>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and 
>input should be directed elsewhere .
>
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>

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