Resend: JOKE OT: Why men can't wake up in the morning]

[juliemac57 at hotmail.com (Julie Macfarlane)]

Eric, you are a sick man. Very funny. I thought the original post was just 
as funny  :)



Julie Macfarlane
Menlo Park Research & Development
Internet Application Developer
www.menloparkrandd.com
www.montgomeryweb.org
Amsterdam NY





>From: Eric S <scirocco81@vwmail.net>
>Reply-To: scirocco81@vwmail.net
>To: scirocco-l@scirocco.org
>Subject: Resend: JOKE OT: Why men can't wake up in the morning]
>Date: Mon, 25 Aug 2003 16:30:11 -0700 (PDT)
>
>Why men can't wake up in the morning:
>
>BRAIN SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered.
>
>CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report!
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir! We're picking up loud music.
>
>CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep!
>
>NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it's "The Last Train to Clarksville."
>
>CENTRAL: Goodness, are we being tortured?
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction.
>
>CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness... darkness... Wait, there's a
>woman sleeping there.
>
>CENTRAL: A woman?
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, Libido Station wants to know if it is Anna Kournikova.
>
>CENTRAL: Forget about Libido. What can you tell me?
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, Memory reports a near perfect match to "wife," sir.
>
>CENTRAL: Well of course. Keep looking.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, urgent report from Stomach on the horn, do you want to
>take it?
>
>CENTRAL: Stomach, what's going on?
>
>STOMACH: Sir, we've taken a hit, it...it looks bad, sir.
>
>CENTRAL: Get hold of yourself, man!
>
>STOMACH: Yes sir. It looks like a burrito, sir. It exploded at about
>1900 hours and we've been out of action ever since. I don't...I don't
>know if she can take much more, Captain.
>
>CENTRAL: Stomach! Now you listen to me, son. We're all counting on you
>up here. Don't give up now. Remember the chili of '94? We made it
>through that, we can make it through anything.
>
>STOMACH: Yes sir. You can count on me, sir.
>
>CENTRAL: Good man.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, I've got a visual on the clock!
>
>CENTRAL: Tell me, Number One.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Oh my God, sir. It's horrible.
>
>CENTRAL: Dammit sailor, get a grip on yourself!
>
>NUMBER ONE: It's... It's six thirty, sir. In the morning.
>
>CENTRAL: In the morning? Not again. I thought...I thought that we'd had
>the worst of it yesterday.
>
>SYSTEM: Sixty seconds to consciousness.
>
>CENTRAL: This is madness. Do you know what's going to happen if we go
>conscious now, this early?
>
>NUMBER ONE: Work, sir?
>
>CENTRAL: That's right, Number One. It'll be work, all right. I
>don't...don't know if I can live through that hell again.
>
>SYSTEM: Fifty seconds to consciousness.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir? Do you have orders?
>
>CENTRAL: Hmmm?
>
>NUMBER ONE: Orders, sir. Do you have orders for us?
>
>CENTRAL: Orders? Orders, Number One? Damn right there are orders! Let's
>get ourselves moving.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Aye aye, sir!
>
>SYSTEM: Forty seconds to consciousness.
>
>CENTRAL: Shut that damn thing off, I'm trying to think. Get our remote
>stations on line. I want a Search and Acquire on anything that feels
>like a snooze button. Tell them to MOVE. Bladder!
>
>BLADDER: Yes sir?
>
>CENTRAL: How are you holding?
>
>BLADDER: All systems are flush and ready, sir. We can go another three
>hours, easy.
>
>CENTRAL: Very well, Bladder. Number One, get me Nose on the horn.
>
>NOSE: Sir, Nose reporting, sir!
>
>CENTRAL: Good to hear from you, Nose. How are you doing up there?
>
>NOSE: We registered cat breath about twenty minutes ago, but it was
>pretty faint and I didn't think...
>
>CENTRAL: Steady on, nose. You were right not to trigger an alert.
>
>NOSE: Thank you, sir.
>
>CENTRAL: Nose, I'm afraid I have bad news for you, son. We took a
>burrito last night.
>
>NOSE: Oh no, sir, not again!
>
>CENTRAL: I said steady! You're going to have to hold on, you hear me?
>Hold on, and it will pass. I don't want ANYTHING getting through to
>Consciousness.
>
>NOSE: Yes sir. I'll try, sir.
>
>CENTRAL: That's the spirit. Stomach!
>
>STOMACH: Sir?
>
>CENTRAL: How are you doing down there?
>
>STOMACH: We've been breached, Captain. The whole alimentary is in
>flames. I'm trying to keep it contained, but I can't promise anything.
>
>CENTRAL: Damn!
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, Libido Station reports it is ready for battle!
>
>CENTRAL: Tell Libido to calm down, I'll call him when I need him. Any
>report from our search party?
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, Fingers report they located and toppled a glass of
>water, a pair of glasses, and a box of Kleenex. No luck on the snooze,
>sir.
>
>CENTRAL: Number One, I don't mind telling you, if we don't get this
>under control we're going to lose her.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Sir, Libido requests positive verification that the
>woman sleeping next to us is not Anna Kournikova.
>
>CENTRAL: For crying out loud.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, Ears reports the song is over. It's going to
>commercial, sir.
>
>CENTRAL: How much time on the system clock?
>
>NUMBER ONE: Ten seconds to consciousness, sir. We've lost smile control
>in the lower facial and we're developing a frown.
>
>CENTRAL: Brace yourself, Number One. I'm afraid we've had it.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir! Fingers has located target. Repeat, Fingers is on
>target!
>
>CENTRAL: Fire!
>
>NUMBER ONE: Hit! Sir, direct hit!
>
>CENTRAL: Ears!
>
>NUMBER ONE: It's gone, Captain! Ears reports the music is gone!
>
>CENTRAL: We've done it!
>
>SYSTEM: Consciousness cancelled.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sir, all systems are ready for sleep mode. Repeat, sleep
>mode now ready.
>
>CENTRAL: Trigger sleep mode NOW.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Sleep mode triggered, aye aye, sir.
>
>CENTRAL: Shut Eyes.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Eyes off, sir. Frown relaxed, smile restored.
>
>CENTRAL: By golly, that was a close one.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Sir, Dream Team requests selection. Libido asking
>for something naked, sir.
>
>CENTRAL: Request denied. Let's roll the one where we show up for church
>wearing only our underwear, I like that one.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Roger that, sir. Dream selection completed and tape is
>rolling, sir.
>
>CENTRAL: Good work, Number One. You take the helm.
>
>NUMBER ONE: Aye aye, sir.
>
>
>_______________________________________________
>Scirocco-l mailing list
>Scirocco-l@scirocco.org
>http://neubayern.net/mailman/listinfo/scirocco-l

_________________________________________________________________
Get MSN 8 and enjoy automatic e-mail virus protection.    
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus